People should be at least 21 years old before they are allowed to drive a car. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The following is an essay written by one of our students. The red-coloured texts are the comments for an IELTS trainer. Need help with IELTS writing? Get your writing samples corrected by us.
Analysis
You could not substantiate your arguments. Inconvenience is certainly an issue but on the other side you wrote that increasing driving age will reduce accidents. Safety is far more important than convenience.
Here in the first body paragraph, you can focus on the inconvenience and argue that driving age should not be increased.
In the second body paragraph you should have hinted at the possibility of teenagers being rash drivers. To counter that issue, you could have suggested stringent penalties for those caught speeding or driving under influence. Lack of traffic rules is rarely the cause of accidents. Most people know the rules but they rarely follow. Severe penalties will help.
Try to reduce the grammar mistakes too. I think you didn’t proofread. Many mistakes seemed to be a result of carelessness. Limit the use of linking words.
Focus more on task response. You should be able to defend your argument.
Score:
TR: 6
CC: 6
GR: 6
LR: 7
Band 9 essay sample
According to some people, the minimum driving age should be 21 years. While I do admit that increasing the driving age will cause some inconvenience to young people, in my opinion, it will also make our roads safer and hence I agree with this argument to a great extent.
Currently, in many countries including my own country, 18 year olds can drive. They are actually still teenagers who show little regard for safety. If we analyse the statistics, it is not hard to see that most road accidents are caused by rash teens. They are driven by an adrenaline rush and do not fully comprehend the consequences of exceeding the speed limits. Consequently, teen drivers pose a risk not only to themselves but also to other vehicles and even pedestrians. They will have matured a little by the time they turn 21 and at this age they are less prone to driving rashly. By increasing the driving age, authorities can also prevent a sizable section of young people from getting behind the wheel. This could reduce the number of vehicles on the road and thus improve the traffic situation.
Of course, there are disadvantages. Being able to drive puts a person at an advantage. This is particularly important for young people who live alone. They do not have anyone to drive them around. These days, a lot of young people live away from their parents for reasons related to their studies or career. If they are not allowed to drive, they will be fully dependent on the public transport. Or they may have to rely on an older friend or a neighbour. In any case, this inability to drive will cause them a great deal of convenience.
In short, there are certainly some disadvantages to increasing the driving age. It will make teenagers dependent on their parents and the public transport. At the same time, this measure will reduce the instances of rash driving and thus prevent accidents to a great extent. Hence, I support the argument that driving age should be increased to 21.
