What are the causes of this? What solution can you suggest?
Band 9 IELTS essay sample
Traffic jams are now an everyday occurrence in many metropolises. This is mainly due to the increase in the number of private vehicles. While more people own cars these days, the roads have not become wider or better and hence traffic cannot move fast. Promoting public transport and building better roads are the most effective ways to deal with this situation.
Almost every family owns a car in urban areas these days. Many people are reluctant to use public transport to commute to work. They find buses and trains overcrowded and uncomfortable and hence they choose to drive their own car. Unfortunately, the existing urban infrastructure is not designed to cope with the increase in car ownership. Many cities have old and narrow roads built several decades ago. Since there are residential and commercial buildings on either side of the roads, it is not easy to widen them. Consequently, traffic jams occur and people waste countless hours every day on the roads.
In order to address this issue, the governments have to either widen the roads or limit the number of cars. In places where widening is possible, that is certainly the right solution. In other situations, a better option is to limit the number of private vehicles on the road. The most effective way to accomplish this is to invest in public transport. If buses and trains run on time and offer a comfortable journey, people are less likely to use their own cars for the daily commute. When fewer people use their cars, traffic can move smoothly and people will be able to save a lot of time.
In conclusion, the number of cars has increased but roads have not become wider. Hence, traffic jams occur. Building better roads and encouraging people to use public transport are the most effective ways to deal with this situation.
Analysis
This is a good essay. The writer has convincingly answered both questions in the task rubric. The writer has used a variety of simple and complex sentences to make the essay more interesting to read. There are no grammar mistakes. The writer has also used complex vocabulary here and there. Overall, this seems to be a band 9 essay.
How to add variety to your writing?
In order to make your writing more interesting, you have to use a variety of sentence patterns. If all of your sentences are short and simple, your essay will sound boring. Conversely, if you write too many lengthy sentences, you will not only make more mistakes but also confuse your reader. It is not easy to grasp the meaning of a ridiculously long sentence. Hence, make sure that none of your sentences have more than 20 words in them. Write a short sentence after one or two long sentences. Also, use a wide range of grammatical structures and connectives. For example, conjunctions are not the only connecting devices you have. You can use relative pronouns too. You do not always have to connect clauses with conjunctions or relative pronouns. Sometimes, you can use transitional adverbs to facilitate the flow of ideas without actually connecting the sentences.
For example, consider the sentence.
While more people own cars these days, the roads have not become wider or better and hence traffic cannot move fast.
There are three clauses in this sentence.
More people own cars these days.
The roads have not become wider or better.
Traffic cannot move fast.
We used two conjunctions (while, and) to connect these three clauses.
Note that we use just one conjunction to connect two clauses. Likewise, we use two conjunctions to connect three clauses.
We can write the given sentence in different ways.
Instead of the subordinating conjunction while, we can use the coordinating conjunction but.
More people own cars these days but the roads have not become wider or better and hence traffic cannot move fast.
We can also use the transitional adverb however instead of the conjunction but. Note that transitional adverbs cannot connect clauses.
More people own cars these days; however, the roads have not become wider or better.
Put a full stop or a semicolon before however and put a comma after it.
We can also write:
More people own cars these days; however, the roads have not become wider or better; hence, traffic cannot move smoothly.
Or
Although more people own cars these days, the roads have not become wider. Consequently, traffic cannot move smoothly.
Just like however, hence is also a transitional adverb. It cannot connect clauses. Put a full stop or a semicolon before hence and put a comma after it.
By using a variety of conjunctions, transitional adverbs and relative pronouns, you can make your writing more interesting.
